Last weekend's scrap

Honestly, it was mostly due to way to much alcohol involved.

We were at a pool tournament's closing social. There was a young fellow there that I had just met that volunteered some personal troubling information. I got into rescuer mode and went out for a cigarette with the lad to talk to him about it and offer him some advice to seek counseling. We were outside for about half an hour and were not by any means alone as there were others outside smoking as well. I had told my bf that I was going for a smoke.

I came back in and the bf flipped that I had been gone for an hour and he had no idea where I was. He was actually in the process of leaving without even looking for me in the smoking area.  We had quite the row right there where I had to do some serious reassuring. 

He was in the process of leaving to a house party so the both of us went there.  They had a smoking room in the basement.  Went for one smoke and there was no issue but then when I was going to go for the second, he made some objections (the offending person was also there).  I told him so do you want to come with then to which he immediately agreed so came along to keep an eye on me I guess.

We left shortly after that and then had quite the fight at home.  Of course I said maybe we should break up because that's what I do if we have a disagreement especially with alcohol involved.  I told him that my perception of what is appropriate and his are obviously different and although I'd really try hard not to do anything that would upset him, because I'm not sure what that will be, maybe we should break up.  And he was saying he didn't trust me.  He gave another reason too but I can't remember what it was :(

Argument over, sex was amazing that night.  Next day and another day this week I mentioned it again and he kept blaming the alcohol but there's no remaining tension or anything.

I feel he was being quite unreasonable. Really I could have gotten into a conversation with anyone while I was out there that could have held me up like that.  I was very surprised he didn't trust me as I recognized early on he has these trust issues due to previous relationships where he was cheated on and I've done everything I can think of to try to earn his trust. I'm guessing he will never be able to completely trust and there's really nothing I can do.

Six month anniversary

Hurray!! We've made it to the six month mark virtually unscathed!

This in now officially a serious relationship.  I find myself to be really scared over what is coming but it's been really fun so far so I guess I'll just carry on.

We've already started making some long term plans together - we are saving up for a trip next winter.  The nice thing about these plans are that until the tickets are bought, this isn't something we are committed to doing. 

I'm guessing the next step will be moving in together.  This topic is where I think I'm the most scared. 

I really prefer it and am happier when he is here and isn't at his pad for the evening but that being said, I am still a bit nervous about the idea of him moving in.  For some twisted reason I felt good when he kept his clothes here for 2 weeks instead of hauling them home right away.  The house is a mess so I'd have to do some serious decluttering to make room for his stuff.  On the days he isn't here I almost feel like the cats away so I feel freer to be totally lazy and misbehave.  I've been waiting for him to bring up the subject but he hasn't in a serious fashion yet.  I'm not really ready to bring the topic up myself.  I have decided that I would be acceptable to an April + move in.  That gives him enough time to give a months notice to move out, get the house organized, and work out the details.

Well, that was a rambling disorganized paragraph.

So technically by his terms the six month mark would have been yesterday but by my terms it is today.  Yesterday I thought about it all day but nothing was mentioned.  Today I didn't even think of it and this afternoon he texted a happy six months baby to me.  It's a big weekend - friend from out of town visiting, wedding and big pool tourney.

Can't chat no more today - need to jump in the shower and get ready to go out.

What brings me here?

So, this is my first crack at this blogging.  This last couple months I have been finding myself getting addicted to forums; creating threads, posting my opinions, etc.  I'd be posting on relationship issue forums when really my issues were already pretty much worked out and not all that critical.  I had to examine this, as I am over-analytical and realized that what I needed was to work through my thoughts in writing.  A diary wouldn't cut it ... I needed to write down my thoughts where there was someone who could hear me.  The need the forums weren't filling was my opportunity to crow at my delights as well as my troubles so be prepared to be overwhelmed with gooey in love crap as that's the place I'm in most the time lately.

I really don't have much to say today (a rarity) so will just set this up as an introduction.  With a nice introduction all laid out, it will definitely save me time from giving some background if there's something I really want to say the next time. 

To give you a bit of an introduction to the main characters in this blog:

Lenny: Me :) Intelligent and very over-analytical.  I have to think things through to the nth degree all the time.  I'm 38 1/2 with 4 kids ages 20, 19, 15, and 5.  Was with the baby daddy since I was 17.  Pretty bad relationship that was off and on alot and have been single for around 4 years now.  Baby daddy was still squatting on my couch (couldn't contribute when he was with me, not able to support or take care of himself when I ended it) until almost 2 years ago.

Kevin: My new guy that is absolutely amazing.  This is his real name so if your name is Kevin this is probably about you.  Most of my posts will be about this guy provided we stay together which I think we will.  We live in a small town and I've probably known the guy for close to 20 years.  We never hung in the same circle so we never knew each other that well though.  He is 34 (gasp yes ... a younger man) with no children.  He is quite arrogant, a pig and leans to asshole.  He's also intelligent, very thoughtful in everything he says, wouldn't say anything hurtful intentionally and is really into me :).

I think that is a good start for day one.

You will likely be hearing from me daily or at least almost daily.  Feel free to leave any kind of comment even though they may not be the most flattering; I have tough skin and really welcome varied opinions.

Hopefully we get to know each other.  And thanks so much for reading my stories.